The Incomplete A-Z of Organized Religion




As mentioned before, this page is not about religion. This is about people manipulating religion a.k.a. people who use it to gain power, preach hate (directly or indirectly) and who try to coerce people into a single narrow minded way of thinking. The following is a simple attempt to monitor and capture the different ways in which organizations manipulate religion. This list will unfortunately always be incomplete (human ingenuity being what it is!). Feel free to email me at sundaes@cs.stanford.edu for additions to this.

The many faces of Organized Religion

  • Astrological: With a thousand nouns, a 100 hundred adjectives and some verbs, my religious text (always written in abstruse poetry) can predict anything in the past or future.
  • Blackmailing: I taught you, I took care of you, I raised you; now cant you believe that "X" is the correct religion
  • Charitable: We spend your hard earned donation money to paint ourselves in a good light, doing charitable deeds,(sucker!) and we are tax free. So our religion must be great.
  • Comparative: Did you know that we are the fastest growing religion (as compared to others)?
  • Condescending: Oh!, you "worship" idols/fire/sheep; that is so wrong!. Did you not know that God is actually a human being?; so my religion is the true religion
  • Cunning: See, you poor kid, here are some clothes and food; now don't you believe that "X" is the only God?
  • Divisive: Didn't you know that God, the creator was male?; (this fact is emphasized subtly in many manipulated "religious texts") - Last time I checked all 'creators' on planet earth were feminine, test tube babies discounted!
  • Entrepreneurial: Of course as a true believer, you need to be a part of our organization. Memberships are only $9.95 per month, and are tax exempt. (We managed to fool uncle Sam on that one!)
  • Evangelical: We need to convert everybody on the face of this planet. (If blue whales become sentient in a hundred years, we will evangelize them too)
  • Exclusive: My religion is the ONLY correct way to achieve salvation. All others are doomed.
  • Fanatical: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
  • Fearful: If you don't follow religion "X", thou shall be doomed (forever!).
  • Historical: We have been following this god(s), for thousands of years, so ours is the best religion
  • Infallible: Everything in this religious text is correct. (These folks would do well to remember, that few statements are "eternally" true. Consider: "Two parallel lines do not meet", which is only true in Euclidian geometry.)
  • Inflammatory: Did you know they killed a member of religion X in Timbuctoo? (that there might have been a civil war, or that was a land rights dispute etc. does not matter), Join our religion X to fight this.
  • Inventive: Jee, yeah we really are a singles group, but when 30 people crowd together in one room, reading scriptures, it is a good occasion to mingle! (very smart I must agree)
  • Magical: I can make rabbits appear out of hats and make coins disappear; I am a messenger of god
  • Majority: If 51% of people, believe in our religion, we must be right; so lets evangelize.
  • Modern: Ours is the newest religion!. So we must have the best religion since it improves upon previous ones
  • Political: I desperately need to come to power (mis)using democratic means. Lets start a religious party!
  • Pedantic: All you ever wanted to know about GOD and did not know whom to ask is given in scripture "Y".
  • Preying: Oh you young mind, you are feeling low?, come to me, my God will help you.
  • Recursive: God exists because he tells you in the scripture that he exists
  • Rewarding: If you follow religion "X", thou shall achieve salvation.
  • Smart: See, that ("planted") blind man in the audience?; he can now see because he had faith.
  • Serendipitous: These idols drink milk, surely that must be a manifestation of GOD. (This one unfortunately became quite a fad in India)
  • Transitive: My ancestors achieved some great things. (I of course do not measure an iota as compared to them) They happened to "belong" to religion X. So religion X is great.

Last modified: Thu Nov 15th 21:16:50 PDT 2001